Burnout and the Firestarter: A Tale of Escaping an Unfulfilling Life

Life keeps us busy. Between work, families, school, second jobs, a side hustle… life never stops. 

​I wanted to share my story with others because, on the surface, it may appear that we are keeping it all together, but on the inside, that flame that used to keep us going slowly gets smaller and smaller. Eventually we can burnout.
 
2017 was an invigorating year. I was admitted into Johns Hopkins University to start an education doctorate program. I was offered a new position on a team that boasted expanded scopes and room for growth. I bought a new condo and took my first international trip to Costa Rica. Life was busy, but it was good. 
 
Then as 2018 started to creep up, things started to get shaky. I realized that the position I was in at work no longer held the same excitement or growth that I wanted, and I was doing less of what made me intrinsically motivated– adult education projects and content development. School was still going well and my finances were fine, so I brushed it off as just a blip that would get better. 
 
It didn’t.
 
Throughout 2018, I continued to struggle with depressionand feelings of being lost. I felt that I wasn’t able to be successful in my role and there was little room for me to use my skills. So, I began to seek out external comforts to feel more connected to my passion. I used the meditation blogthat I wrote for a friend as an initial outlet and started to develop a more structured meditationroutine. Despite these outlets, I began having outbursts of severe crying and feelings of hopelessness. I was disconnected to things that I once got pleasure from and pulled away from family and friends.
 
When summer of 2018 neared, my mental state was not any better. However, I continued to meditate in an attempt to let go of harmful thoughts. Until one day after a meditation I realized – I’m burned out.I’d been forcing myself to be a person that I no longer was, that I no longer felt any attachment to and that opened my eyes. Although my position at work didn’t change, I was able to recognize my burnout was affecting my team, my mental health, my happiness, my relationships – everything. I forgave myself for the way I had been acting and I offered myself gratitude for being open and aware enough to acknowledge it. At that point, I knew that I had to start seeking a way for me to alleviate this burnout, even if I couldn’t immediately find a new position. So, what did I do?
 
I threw myself into my passion – meditation and adult learning. I created a company, hosted meditation classes, wrote articles, and began mentoring. All while I was still completing my doctorate and working full-time. One could argue that the combination of all of the different irons I had in the fire is what caused the burnout. But, you see, the burnout from my role was the catalyst or kindling for my passion Firestarter. I knew I wasn’t going to be happy with what I was doing at work, so I attempted to make up for it by doing all of the things that made me happy outside of work. 
 
This is a nice band-aid, for now. But even today as I write this, I continue to struggle with feelings of burnout and the inability to truly work in my passion. I recently took a burnout survey by MindTools.com(you can try it too!) and, unfortunately, scored a 72 (yikes! that’s high!). However, I know that eventually the world will turn right side up, and my passion will once again be on top. I also realized that this was no one’s fault -- just a natural progression through life. No blame needed placed on myself or anyone at work.
 
My advice if you’re feeling burned out?Just be patient with yourself, get professional help if you need it, and don’t feel like you’re alone. You can and will escape an unfulfilling life.
 
So, if someone you know is struggling with burnout, be a support. Realize that they don’t need blaming or suggestions on how not to be burned out, they just need to find a path to start their own internal fire again. They just need an escape route. Sometimes it’s time, sometimes it’s a new role, and sometimes it’s just reconnecting or finding the passion again. 

Be well my friends and take a deep breath. - HRH